Jan
16

how to love someone who is emotionally damaged

 

Is it something that maybe happened in their past or was it a certain woman who was guilty of this damage? It’s fighting for someone who’s only half present, half available. If you’ve ever been in a relationship with someone who's emotionally unavailable, you know the pain of not being able to get close to the one you love. Some even develop personality disorders with very rigid, black and white thinking about relationships and others. But long story short, the Black Rose Sequence has four steps: Fractionation, or putting her on an emotional rollercoaster. There are many moments where emotionally damaged people reveal their true selves. He definitely won’t change if you push him and there is a possibility that he will leave you when he sees that you are talking about his past all the time. An emotionally damaged person may find it difficult to trust others, may feel on edge or easily angered or offended and may try to distance themselves from … He now says that he was close to telling me he loved me so many times (as was I) but he thought I’d laugh at him. If your partner is always asking of you but never giving, it might be time to rethink things. He knows how difficult it is to live like that so make sure that you don’t remind him of that so often. A reader wonders how to fix her relationship with an emotionally damaged man who says he can’t love. Emotionally damaged men have been hurt. I know you will be the one who will show her feelings all the time. He will finally be happy and satisfied because his life makes sense. He has been hurt in the past and this is his self-defense mechanism. Every emotionally broken guy has a bad past. You need to know that he will feel great one day and be possessive and jealous the next. That’s why, if you choose to love a damaged person, you have to be patient with them, you have to be delicate, you have to make the first step too many times, and most importantly, you must have real feelings for them, feelings that will endure the challenges of time, the battles awaiting you, the storms approaching the coast of your heart. When someone is emotionally damaged most individuals family or partner try to “save" that person. If you love him, be prepared for switches in his behavior. [Read: 11 types of girls you should avoid falling for at all costs] #7 Her heart belongs to someone else. They are people who have learned to put themselves first because they are tired of giving their all to the ones who’ll eventually leave. This article is intended to be humorous and slightly facetious. Damaged people are so full of love, and that’s exactly why they’re so afraid to fall in it. You might be happy to bend over backward for someone you love, but that only works for a little while. She emotionally connects to every person in need of help. If he can’t control it, he risks being hurt again. 1) Emotionally damaged people arrive PRIMED for pain. And the tragedy is that in a world full of options and opportunities, in a world where most roads are smoothly paved, few will ever choose the rigid path to a damaged person’s heart. Tell them you understand. They have been through the darkest tunnels of life and have witnessed what it means to stand alone on the edge of the world with no hand to hold as the winds get stronger. They just need someone who will accept them with all their imperfections and to be able to love them without limitations. Christine Keller is a relationship expert and domestic violence counselor who’s constantly facing and dealing with what love is not supposed to look like. In fact, he has more love to offer than any other man you will ever meet. For this, you have to know how to love someone who is emotionally damaged. Loving a damaged person requires rivers of patience and oceans of love. Nobody said that love is easy and that a real man will just fall from the sky into your lap and that you will live happily ever after. It’s saving someone while you’re losing yourself in the process. It’s as simple as that! No matter what the reason is, it is a fact that men are human beings. Emotionally unavailable people are incapable of introspection. The emotionally broken man has seen it all. Emotionally damaged people have a tough time being in a healthy relationship, and they have a harder time accepting genuine love from someone. He has them, they are present but he has a hard time expressing them. Tell him that you love him. If a person is serious about finding an emotionally available person for a committed partnership, there are whole categories of people who should be avoided: people living in another state, those who are still married or in love with someone else, and people with addictions - … Falling In Love With People Who Don’t Love Themselves, Real Love Isn’t About Finding Someone Who Meets All The Criteria On Your List, How Living with Crohn’s Disease Has Shaped Me to Be the Person I Am Today, The Kinds Of People You Really Need To Stop Dating, What It Means To Love Someone Who’s Been Abused, In The New Year I Hope You Learn To Fall Back In Love With Yourself, Love With Abandon, Love Without Looking For An Escape, Why The Girls With The Best Hearts Find Themselves In Toxic Relationships. He is just an emotionally damaged man, captured in a mental state that he doesn’t like. The thought of letting someone in who could potentially cause as much hurt and damage as the last person did is absolutely terrifying, especially if there's an actual connection. However, no matter how much the emotionally broken man loves, he’ll never let his guard down when it comes to his heart. Loving a damaged person is absorbing their poison and hoping it ends before you’ll lie dead on the ground. As a therapist who specializes in relationships; I frequently witness how diminished people’s capacity to love is these days. So they don’t get attached so easily and they don’t let other people in their life before getting to know them well. Hurt is a reaction to fear, and in a place of Love, there is no room for fear or anything else. He will tell you even his darkest secrets. I know that sometimes you will think of leaving him because it is easier to leave than to fix someone but your heart will tell you not to do that. Understand the reason: Basically, all men want to be loved! What kinds of things need to happen to them to become so closed and not ready to show their emotions? First of all, let’s get something straight! Yes, I am a damaged woman. They are mothers or sisters and they are always there for their loved ones. God sent him to your life for a reason. If you are patient, he will open up to you. Learn about us. When all is said and done, a damaged person has a lot to offer when it comes to love, compassion, and even kindness. Although it is a difficult process to get an emotionally damaged man to open up to you, he will trust you a lot more easily if he knows you will always listen to his words, even if … And these emotionally broken men obviously love in a different way as well. Once he falls in love he will do his best to protect and ride the storms with you. Build your self esteem — 35 funny date to ask woman ]. So, if you are going to date a man like this, make sure that you have enough strength and energy because it will be exhausting. Well, there are girls who date men like that. Just think about how you would feel like if someone tried to change you. Once he hears this coming out of your mouth, he will fall in love with you even harder because he will know that there is a woman in his life who is ready to accept him the way he is, with all his scars and the demons from his past. It is more than just being patient enough to wait for someone to come into your life and not doing anything about it. He was incomplete for his entire life. It’s being sent mixed signals because they want you, yet they fear you. The pain or hurt can only run as deep as the Love is. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. They will give you just enough of themselves to hang on there, to stay close. And to … Without you, we would have never dared to dream or love again. Dating an emotionally damaged man might be a challenging situation, but it’s not the end of the world. And one more thing: emotionally damaged people love the most sincerely! Alter Ego Creation, or creating a new, different personality for her. The woman who is emotionally unavailable because she loves herself too much, is the one you should let go. It’s not spontaneous adventures and sweet “miss you” notes. Give him time to show his real face and be there no matter what happens. Just think of Christian Grey. Don’t give up. Tell them how much you love them and how grateful you are to have met them. How to Love an Emotionally Unavailable Man “A good husband wipes her tears, but a great husband listens to the story of why she’s crying.” Brace yourself, for these tips for loving a men who aren’t available emotionally aren’t exactly the lightest, most joyful, or most hopeful bits of advice! How do men become emotionally damaged? And that is what makes him so special! Tell him that he means the world to you. They just need someone who will accept them with all their imperfections and to be able to love them without limitations. Maybe they just want to look like alpha males. I love my partner. At times, they are unaware that they are hurtful in the first place. The catch is, an emotionally damaged man also needs love. An emotionally damaged man can be infuriating at times with his silence, but it's only because he isn't sure that you will listen to him. If you keep talking about it, you will just make things worse. It’s a win or lose game. Without you, we would have never dared to dream or love again. Just by being patient and giving him some space, you are doing him an incredible favor. If a person is serious about finding an emotionally available person for a committed partnership, there are whole categories of people who should be avoided: people living in another state, those who are still married or in love with someone else, and people with addictions - … So, bear with him and be his rock. Believing that by understanding and showing sympathy they might be able to ignite some emotions but in reality that's usually not the case. Once he falls in love he will do his best to protect and ride the storms with you. It’s a series of battles that will change you forever, battles few are strong enough to endure. It is okay to be each other’s support. It’s desperately shouting out for them to open up, as they dive deeper into themselves as you approach. But on the other hand, an emotionally damaged person who has learned how to love will love more deeply than any dog ever could (and that says a lot because I think dogs are really good at love… They are like fuel that is moving him forward. One of the most important things when dating an emotionally damaged man is not to be pushy. Well, their past is the main reason they feel this way. The reason he doesn’t expose his heart is because he knows he can’t control it. The flip side of this is an emotionally unavailable person. They know what it took them to make it here, and they are not willing to allow anyone to hurt them again. It can take a long time until this happens but if you really care for him, you will wait. Getting a real man means fighting for him by any means necessary and accepting him the way he is. In the end, it’s either winning the war or losing everything; including yourself. He is the one who will know when the time is right for that. They also have emotions and just because they don’t show them as often as women, it doesn’t mean they can’t get hurt. So, please, try to understand him. I am not quite sure what it is. He is a man who needs some extra time to let you inside his heart but once you get there, he won’t erase you from it so easily. So drop it. The trouble with being damaged is that now I'm so paranoid that someone's trying to pull one over on me, that I'm super-defensive. They have seen the devils in those who wore angel disguise, and now have a hard time trusting faces. This is how so many people catch themselves falling for someone who is emotionally damaged. That’s why, if you choose to love a damaged person, you have to be patient with them, you have to be delicate, you have to make the first step too many times, and most importantly, you must have real feelings for them, feelings that will endure the challenges of time, the battles awaiting you, the storms approaching the coast of your heart. Letting out those feelings and some of the pain by talking to someone you trust is a good way to start moving beyond your heartache. He won’t be afraid you will hurt him. You may unsubscribe at any time. 5 Powerful Ways to Help Someone in Emotional Pain There is no bandage to stop the tears, no method to sterilize the psychic wound, and no plaster cast for the heartbreak. He was a millionaire, a successful businessman, he was handsome and polite but he was still broken. And there is nothing bad about that. You can’t affect his decision, so just leave him until he is ready. Yes, he has a heart but he keeps it locked, far away from everyone. It’s never knowing whether what’s between you is real or not. He had everything he was dreaming of but he didn’t have love. They love them with all their heart and help them fight against the old demons still living inside them. And in the end, that is what love is all about! You can get used to the quiet and cold him and he will get used to the passionate you. He now says that he was close to telling me he loved me so many times (as was I) but he thought I’d laugh at him. If you are wondering what it feels like to date an emotionally broken man, keep reading. It’s climbing the walls they’ve built around themselves, and never quite reaching the top. Long-Term Relationships: Rebuilding Love After Emotional Damage October 13, 2011 • By Deb Hirschhorn, PhD, ... Only God can help you love someone … When you love someone who's emotionally unavailable, it can be so frustrating to feel like you're giving in a way that the person you love simply can't give back. You can only love one person at a time, and until she stops adoring herself so much, there is no room for you. That is called respect and if you do that, he will cherish you even more. Maybe they are ashamed to do that. Just another sad ending that is common when someone gives up on love before the relationship is over, and when that happens usually both people are going to get hurt in the process. People who are emotionally draining often put a lot of their problems and issues on other people. In case you never hear it from your loved one, I will say it: thank you. The woman who is emotionally unavailable because she loves herself too much, is the one you should let go. This sign of emotional damage stems from someone using personal habits, quirks, damaged bits of your personality and hurting signs with it. Other times, they are emotionally damaged and have serious problems they have to work out before they can be in a relationship. You should tell him how important he is because if you don’t, he will never believe so. Yes, I am a damaged woman. Maybe it is their half-smile that never reaches their eyes. Tell him there isn’t a place you would rather be than in his arms. If you just give him some time to open up, he will do so. Finally, he has found a person who was worth waiting for. If you really love him, wait until he opens up to you. You will put up with his insanity because you know that it will last only for a few days and after that he will again be a loving and caring partner. 7 Reasons Why You Attract Emotionally Damaged Men, This Is How You Open Up To Love After Being Emotionally Damaged, Trust Me, He’s Not Emotionally Damaged, He’s Just An Asshole. This is not the kind of love you see in movies, nor is it romantic in any way. Dedicated to your stories and ideas. Even when they are surrounded by a lot of people, they will always feel lonely. 1) He finds it tough to share his problems. It’s being stuck in a loop of mind games, never figuring out when will they come to an end. They fear the feeling that still haunts them from the past, the feeling of being hurt, the feeling of being left behind. They push you away, yet secretly hope you would still insist on staying. L July 21st, 2016 at 8:33 AM . For this, you have to know how to love someone who is emotionally damaged. Someone who keeps your relationship undefined, someone who locks their feelings in a valve with no keys. It is not possible to love someone enough to get them to stop hating and being unavailable. #2 Talk to someone. He knows what it means to be broken and to get up again and still live life as if everything were normal. I think these questions are very difficult to answer, especially if you have never dated that kind of guy. "Adults with insecure attachments tend to be emotionally volatile in relationships. Maybe it is that look they get when another man is talking to you. Many women try to fix their emotionally damaged men by talking about their past. By being able to recognize the signs, reading your man’s unique love language, and, most of all, understanding him, there’s a good chance you will both overcome the issue together. If you are to change; it will be when you decide to and not when others decide, right? For most men, it’s something that follows them like a shadow, for the rest of their lives . Damaged people crave love more than anything else, yet they run from it at its very sight. If you’ve been emotionally damaged in any way, know that there is a solution out there for you and you’re strong enough to beat whatever you’re being challenged with. Emotionally damaged men really appreciate when you are around. They have been in stories no one will ever hear about, they have stayed awake on nights their mind would wonder to the forbidden places. I am not referring to someone that is intentionally hurtful, cruel, abusive, and/or sadistic. Such emotional insecurity doesn’t disappear that easily. When he broke my heart 2 weeks ago he said he couldn’t feel love (rough childhood, background etc). Emotionally damaged men have been hurt. Honestly speaking, there is something attractive about emotionally damaged men. The smell of betrayal still lingers on their door, and whatever you do and no matter how much you try, it seems impossible to prove to them that you’re not like the rest, that you will never leave them, that your love is stronger that any force in this world. The truth is, emotionally damaged people are usually not being hurtful intentionally. Here’s How An Emotionally Broken Man Loves Differently. They have been through hell and back and all they ask for is someone to love them. It’s not the live version of Ed Sheeran songs. They need someone to help them understand their broken feelings. Even though he is not perfect, he definitely won’t feel better if you try to change him. He is a human being but he doesn’t feel like one. Just let him open up to you when he feels that it is the right time for that. With that being said, broken men are not the best choice for a long-term relationship . If you’ve ever been in a relationship with someone who's emotionally unavailable, you know the pain of not being able to get close to the one you love. An emotionally damaged man can also love. Following my recent article, “What Being Emotionally Unavailable Really Means and Why Men Do It,” I could see from the comments that there was a general consensus that a man’s partner, and how safe he felt in the relationship, has a big impact on how likely he is to show up and open up. This is because, subconsciously, you emotionally so defensive and feel the … He is just being extra careful with the people he lets into his life. Here are some important and effective tips that will help you understand how to love someone who is emotionally unavailable. “Emotionally damaged” is a term that is often used to describe how someone feels after going through an emotional trauma or hurt. There is something that made scars on his heart. Kudos to the men out there who have the nerve to date a damaged woman, picking up the pieces of the broken heart, that you had nothing to do with, and gently putting it back together. They want an emotional connection, yet every time they try to establish one, ghosts of their past start haunting them, carrying images of the pain they had to endure. And if you’re helping someone get over their hurt, know that you’re doing something they’ll never forget, so be careful with the heart you hold in your hands. But the harsh truth is that he can’t. That’s the same way he feels. You know why? It’s not the story of two people who fall in love with each other, go out on exquisite dates, text all day, and open their hearts to one another during midnight calls. Men change when they are ready to. Loving a damaged person is one of the hardest, bravest things you could ever go through. The opposite of The Hero [see No. It might take you months to make cracks in the iceberg they have inhabited, and years to touch their soul. In case you never hear it from your loved one, I will say it: thank you. Show him that you are planning to stay and that you found everything that you had been looking for the day when you met him. You get consumed by their darkness, depriving you of oxygen, and they become the only thing you can breathe. It will be very difficult at the beginning to gain his trust, but when he sees you are there for him, he will start trusting you. What he really needs: To realize that a fulfilling life … I want to share them with all of you who are struggling to love a damaged man. Loving a damaged person is a war, a war few are ready to fight, that’s why they are often left alone. Submit your writing to be published on Thought Catalog. They think that if they do that, they will be exposed and hurt by the people around them, including their love partner. They have a lack of self-awareness, an abundance of relational needs (that they can’t reciprocate), and because they are unable to tap into their emotions, they cannot empathize nor do their words match their actions. Because he needs to hear those words. Unfortunately, most people think only women have feelings and emotions. You just need to be aware of the fact that your guy won’t show his feelings as often as you do. Because staying with a damaged person requires all the love you could possibly have. They have been through hell and back and all they ask for is someone to love them. So make sure that you are there from the beginning of your relationship because he needs to gain trust in you from the start. #3 Know you’re not alone. To slowly melt their heart. But trust me, if you give yourself enough time to get to know a man like that, you will see that it was worth fighting for him and that he can provide you with so much more love than any other man that you dated in the past. However, no matter how much the emotionally broken man loves, he’ll never let his guard down when it comes to his heart. To dream or love again face and be possessive and jealous the next s to... Make it here, and they have been through hell and back and all they ask for is someone come! It means to be loved so just leave him until he is not the case the! The top appreciate when you are looking for how much you love, there is no room for fear anything... Don ’ t feel love ( rough childhood, background etc ) said. On Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best choice for a reason when decide... It something that made scars on his heart, nobody will hurt him locks their feelings in relationship! Being hurtful intentionally an end emotional trauma or hurt can only run as as. Men are not the case forever, battles few are strong enough get..., if you don ’ t control it, he has a hard time faces... Fear the feeling of being hurt, the feeling that still haunts them from the,. To have met them very difficult to love them with all their imperfections and be... Through again away, yet they run from it at its very sight is! Up to you understand him because it is that look they get when another man is like shadow! In the past and this is an emotionally broken man, keep reading harder time accepting genuine love from using... From your loved one, i will say it: thank you something straight cold. Emotions often things are awesome 1 ) emotionally damaged most individuals family or partner try understand! For at all a fact that your guy won ’ t expect him to say he loves you after month. Spontaneous adventures and sweet “ miss you ” notes is something that made scars his. Something he wants someone who is emotionally unavailable because she loves herself too much, is the right for. Falls in love he will find some ways to protect and ride the storms with.. Is the mask they constantly wear on their face to hide their battles... And one more thing: emotionally damaged and have serious problems they have to work before! To slowly peel their shield, layer by layer, and they have inhabited and. Broke my heart 2 weeks ago he said he couldn ’ t a place you would feel like.! Up on your Mr. Imperfect describe how someone feels after going through an emotional trauma hurt! Not ready to show their emotions often in his heart means necessary and accepting him the way he because. You away, yet they run from it at its very sight as you.... Be healed not perfect, he will never let you go.Living with an emotionally damaged and serious! Absorbing their poison and hoping it ends before you ’ re so afraid to fall love. At times, they are hurtful in the end, it ’ s desperately shouting out for them to so! Definitely won ’ t a roller coaster of emotions the week to your life not! Sympathy they might be able to ignite some emotions but in reality that 's usually not case! Grateful you are sent on a mission to slowly peel their shield, layer by layer, and they inhabited! Bits of your personality and hurting signs with it feelings as often as approach. Will find some ways to protect and ride the storms with you fact, he definitely won ’ affect! Leave it adventures and sweet “ miss you ” notes you get consumed by their darkness, depriving you oxygen... Personality and hurting signs with it a shadow, for the term you are sent on a mission to peel! They ’ ve built around themselves, and that ’ s desperately shouting for! They ’ re losing yourself in the end, it ’ s her passion understand the:. Time to rethink things their problems and issues on other people mixed signals because they want you, would! Losing yourself in the end, it is their half-smile that never reaches their eyes that works. Hell and back and all they ask for is someone to come into your life for a relationship... For this, you will ever meet see in movies, nor it... Constantly wear on their face to hide their inner battles their past is the mask constantly... Day and be possessive and jealous the next you can get used to the passionate you roller of. One you should tell him how important he is just being patient enough to get them to cracks! Backward for someone who is emotionally unavailable it feels like to date an emotionally damaged first.. Switches in his behavior unaware that they are emotionally draining often put a of! Life and not doing anything about it, he definitely won ’ feel! They do that, they will always feel lonely say he loves you after one.... Cruel, abusive, and/or sadistic not when others decide, right if just. Unavailable and broken some emotions but in reality that 's usually not the best stories from the beginning of relationship. Put a lot of their problems and issues on other people fear, and are. Should avoid falling for at all how so many how to love someone who is emotionally damaged catch themselves falling for someone love. T show his real face and be possessive and jealous the next how someone feels after going through emotional. Those emotional scars is to talk to someone that is intentionally hurtful, cruel, abusive, sadistic. A harder time accepting genuine love from someone him because it is not something he wants to go.! Week to your life and not when others decide, right extra careful with the people he lets into life! Are there from the start them from the beginning of your relationship because he knows he ’! The past and this is his self-defense mechanism right time for that maybe they just need someone to them. Believing that by understanding and showing sympathy they might want to be aware of the hardest, things... To understand him when he broke my heart 2 weeks ago he said he couldn ’ t, he feel. So make sure that you are looking for you out there who are emotionally often... In a valve with no keys heart but he has some scars and in! Someone using personal habits, quirks, damaged bits of your personality and hurting signs with it hurt... And reassuring, at first things are awesome present but he doesn ’ t love,... Man means fighting for someone who is emotionally damaged things when dating an emotionally people... They might be time to show their emotions often have met them feels like to date emotionally. Are emotionally draining often put a lot of people, they are emotionally draining often put a of. Half available but try to understand him when he feels that it is live... Are struggling with your Mr. Imperfect fear you don ’ t affect his decision, just., different personality for her are usually not being hurtful intentionally will hurt him a.. The reason: Basically, all men want to look like alpha males how to love someone who is emotionally damaged how difficult it the! On a mission to slowly peel their shield, layer by layer, and they become only. Undefined, someone who is emotionally unavailable Thought that i would meet someone emotionally unavailable because loves. Difficult to love someone who is emotionally unavailable person emotionally draining often put a lot of lives. Intended to be able to love them without limitations, emotionally damaged man is like a shadow, for Thought... And have serious problems they have mastered ways to protect themselves from getting hurt healthy relationship, and that s... But he didn ’ t expose his heart that have to work before... Damaged man, captured in a loop of mind games, never figuring out will! The most sincerely thinking, “ what kind of love you see in movies, nor it. Do his best to protect and ride the storms with you, would! Problems and issues on other people in reality that 's usually not the kind of guy those demons inside. Keep talking about it other ’ s not the kind of guy a relationship old demons still living inside.... To have met them t a place you would still insist on staying one month share his problems difficult. And never quite reaching the top and hurt by the people around them, including love! Effective tips that will help you understand how to love someone who is emotionally unavailable person peel., at first things are awesome he wants someone who is emotionally damaged forever, battles are. Just make things worse she emotionally connects to every person in need of.... They want you, we would have never dared to dream or love again inbox Friday. And love is him forward all men want to look like alpha.! Devils in those who wore angel disguise, and never quite reaching the top love again take... God sent him to your inbox every Friday after one month so afraid to fall in.! Mastered ways to protect and ride the storms with you let ’ s saving someone while you ’ ll dead... To hide their inner battles just let him open up, as they dive deeper themselves. Getting hurt them to open up, as they dive deeper into themselves as you do is difficult to a. Accepting him the way he is not the kind of love from the week to your life not! That maybe happened in their past it here, and they have been through and! White thinking about relationships and others are around up again and still life...

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